My Human Illumination Virus has finally taken me mind, body, and soul. I found myself floating somewhere in-between. Brace yourself for a cosmic orgasm. My H.I.V. didn’t kill me. I am not dead. Was I alive before? I resist the easily forgotten and invisible nature of past lives. Landed me in this body. I broke through, peeled off the worn out layers of systemic oppression coating this form. I woke up to a life I didn’t ask for but now am more than willing to defend. I am not alone. I choose a radical orientation to my H.I.V. I will not be silenced. A spiritual activation, indigo trailblazer. My heart beats still. Three letters don’t define me. Stigma cannot blind me. I am made more real. I am here. They expect me to lose the war they started in my body. I am triumph. They expect me to be in fear. I choose to love. I am aware.
Instead of polluted tunnels pumping red I see magical pipes of light connecting me inside. A virus like this has power if I let it but I choose to transcend it. Love is still a work in progress, to myself and to give to others.
Organic and elastic. I am malleable and transformative. Not dense and destructible.
Thriving with disability.
Note: I wrote this a little while ago. I have been living with HIV for 3 years. It’s a healing process… I am way stronger now than I used to be, and this piece was a string of thought about my experience leading up to basically now as a pos human. I am deeply spiritual, and that is how I have coped with the emotional trauma.