Queer as in Disabled

Bill Pappas (Chapel Hill/Carborro/Boone/Asheville, NC)

(author’s note: I am writing this in response to my anonymous piece “Human Illumination Virus” from last issue. I can no longer remain in the shadow of stigma and therefore I choose to be stronger. My heart can be strong enough for all of us. I am thankful for language and the light it shines on the dark corners of transformation.)


Queer as in Disabled


Walking, breathing, loving, trees of life.

We are sharing seeds. Ideas and semen. Love and blood.

My body has been colonized. Open embodiment. Wild. Inknowing.

reSelfing reWilding

this is my give back. Take back. Reach around love


Pleasure is power

Sensually activated

Kundalini rise, chakra align, cosmic reboot

Butt fucking

Relearn sex as sacred]

Protect the faggot magic

Sex workers, magic makers, sex magic, sex liberators

Flaunt my sex in all directions. Call the corners

A gentle anarchy

The New World Dysorder

Viral underclass

Sexual camaraderie.

Be loud and graceful.

Transmuting our fear

Throw off shame. Love my ass.

I am erotic space. Light hearted.

Shared experience, lived.

Faggots like me.

Reveal ancient memories

The water will wash away all that is outdated and not serving

Our future heart

Wet and willing

I am

Encouraged by the flooding of my soul and bloodstream

With this cosmic energy

Just remember and be earnest.

Love action.

Fluid flowing fun finally!

Time for transparency

Technician of the sacred

I refuse to accept your fear.

Banish shame, stigma, ignorance

Binding spell.

Love is not judgment

The bottom of the pyramid must become the top

Poz for pleasure, taking back the sacred masculine


The truth of a body

I love AIDS

It is in sharing defiance that hope resides

I cum as rain against the destructive fire of our enmity:

extinguish our hostility

to self and other.

Squishy love.

The Human Illumination Virus

What orgasms aspire to be

Any place can be prison if you allow it.

My body was mine.

It started out as a biological weapon now it’s a source of illumination

The migration of fluid of words (spoken and unspoken),

and actions between bodies.

Beautiful and fearless.

I am living.


Seed your soul

You are hiv positive.

Restore your sexual sovereignty


I refuse to succumb to this interdimensional virus of fear. Traversing the terrain of transparency, I am acting out with every beat of my heart. The fact that I am still alive is a protest and a celebration..