Poem 10

Elizabeth LeJeune (Oakland, CA)

I refuse the melancholia of little girls without mothers.
I will not accept senselessly prolonged sadness.
I don’t know who that woman was.
How could I miss someone I don’t know?
I miss the idea thrown upon me: the nuclear family.

i refuse strength
i am weak
i am wavering
i am all that one can be

so emotion is triggering of childhood melancholia
so that’s when this child at heart pities herself for her solitude
still: adolescent expression is her freedom.

This is why some people say I have an old soul,
but why I often feel without control.
Again, age nine; not looking for who she was,
but for a time when she felt a home
-to express freely
as a girl.
Now a woman,
a biker chick,
and a derby girl.

on your birthday
another year further away from her
another year closer to she
zhe sits

 

without a motherly figure
unfamiliar with female touch
she’s distanced herself from girls

for the first time, she enters one.

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